We had the annual (no shit! Annual? Get away) flat Christmas meal yesterday. We started cooking (and drinking) about 5 pm, which then turned out to be about an hour too late to have anything whatsoever ready for zero hour of 6 pm. (Okay, the turkey had been in the oven since about 3, but we’ll gloss over that.) We invited Megan, Vassiliki, Katie and Kate round to bolster the flat inmates and by about 7 we were ready to rock and roll. Jeff made some soup to start and then we moved onto a veritable bonanza of turkey and not so much all the trimmings as the EU trimmings mountain. Top stuff(ing)!

Post meal, we got stupendously drunk (was there absinthe involved? Christ, I can’t remember. Certainly something was aflame. Probably a pudding-related conflagration) and played the Rizla game. I was the Littlest Hobo, as chosen by my sister. Can’t argue with that. Then a cigar, and finally to a deeply unsatisfying drunken sleep. I got to work at 11.30 am this morning…

…only to find that today we had a mini Crimbo booze-fest organised by the office manager and endorsed by the management, who gave an marvellously vague speech (“moving forward”, “excellent year”. Notably missing was “whopping bonuses for everyone”) and which has now rendered me incapable of doing any work.